Bridal Therapy Tips

I wanted to give you all a few tips today to survive your wedding.

You can take the same parent concept and apply it to your groom’s parents. Inviting your soon to be in-laws in on the action, is a great relationship builder. 

Occasionally in-laws and parents show no interest in the planning. Ask them if they would like to know the skinny or be involved in a certain aspect. Pick your aspect carefully; make a suggestion like the rehearsal dinner. Do not leave them an open-ended invite to the planning process.

Small alterations by a few vendors can play a big part in the emotions of key guests and make your wedding be a little less stressful.

Take a few spa days before the wedding and during the planning process especially when things begin to feel overwhelming.

Delegation is Key to Bridal Sanity

While I am the last to admit it, no person is perfect. I know it is a huge blow to some of us, me included. That being said anyone involved in the planning process is going to have to let go of some control. No one can be everywhere all the time. For some people it is easy, for others…it is a nightmare. Make some lists before you even pick up the phone. Sit down with some close friends and family for help with this one. Make lists of what your planning strengths and weaknesses. Ask your friends what they think about your lists and be prepared to cross some things off and put them on the other list. Don’t concentrate on which one is longer. This process is going to help you decide what you need to delegate for your own bridal sanity. 

During the planning process a bride is bound to have friends and family who want to get involved. Some of them will feel entitled especially if they are financially bound to the event. Today there are no rules to a wedding, especially for young couples who are getting help from both sets of parents. I have noticed so many different funding situations that have emotional impact over the years. I have brides that pay for their entire wedding themselves, others who have some parental help from both sides, some have extended family financial funding and more along the more traditional line of the brides family funding the wedding. With financial funding come opinions and lots of suggestions. Suggestions can be a good thing, remember most of these people have been through this before and with experience comes wisdom. Most likely their style is not your style and addressing that in a polite response so not to offend anyone is tough-especially if it is your mother.

Popular Vendors & Booking Times

Vendors book out at different rates. Popular vendors book out a year in advance or more. Don’t let that discourage you though. Venues have cancelations all the time and some vendors will not book a year out. For example, I don’t photograph just weddings, my company also photographs books and works for corporations across the county and globe. My policy is only to book a certain amount of weddings a year or more out so that I can keep my schedule flexible. Then I book the rest six months out. 

When thinking about a timeline, you need to take into consideration where you are having your wedding. For example, if you are having your wedding the last weekend in March or the end of May, there are some major events that take up a lot of hotel space and they are booked a year out. Christmas in New York would probably pretty full as well.  Even booking at a group rate you are still going to pay the premium for good hotel rooms close to things and events. You have to book these a year out or as soon as possible. Thus this timeline is more of a suggestion of an order grouped.

Over Enthusiastic Parent Planner

How do you tell an over enthusiastic parent planner that they are too opinionated? There is never a great way to do this. Someone’s feelings are going to get hurt but this is where all that relationship building is going to pay off. Go back to the original general style, theme or outline and point out how it deviates from the plan. Stress and focus on an idea that they suggested that you do like. Be honest and sincere about how you feel. Chances are its no big deal. If it is a big deal pick your battles wisely. Get to the root of the issue and ask your self if you could compromise. If the issue is that your parent would like the option of fish at your steak dinner chances are you could give in-after all it is a healthy option. If it is the whole wedding color scheme you really need to remind your parent of the general outline and that purple and pink are your favorite colors and you are not going to budge. Always remember in the end they want you to be happy and if pink with purple Pokka-dots is your hearts desire eventually they will find a way to get over this small disappointment.
You can use this opportunity to get to know your in-laws and it can be positive. Get used to it; you will have some sort of relationship with your in-laws for years to come. Building an optimistic relationship will pave the way for multiple life changing situations-like babies. Usually in-laws want to offer something; traditionally they took care of the rehearsal dinner. Ask their opinion, let them in on the master plan, c.c. them on major planning emails and on holidays bring them wedding updates and photos.

Budget Tips that won't drive you crazy

The budget is a stressful issue with much controversy. It requires a lot of give and take on the sides of everyone involved. The last thing that anyone should want to do is fight over the money so be prepared to compromise and adjust your expectations.

Tips for you Budget
By having your budget on a spread sheet you have the ability to email it your blackberry for instant changes or important consults with the groom.
everyone involved in the budget can address it at the same time from different time zones.
You can see how tweaking it in different areas affects your bottom line instantly.
You are completely organized and this will actually save you money or help you find extra money for add ons that you really want.

-some brides run away from their budget especially if they are not dishing out the cash. Always know what you are spending, and be aware. The last thing that you want to do two weeks before the wedding is realize that you can not pay for what you expected and some venders may not be able to let you re-negotiate your deal.

"No, I am a Wedding Designer!"

For anyone who knows Rick and I, we are really laid back, honest people. We are nice to everyone. Never say anything negative about anyone and we never name names. Even though we are easy going, we are professional and wear what other guests wear to weddings. Black tie to beach Kaki. Okay so back to the story. Wedding coordinators have popped up on every corner...just like the Bank of America only independently owned.
A little while ago we were photographing a wedding of a T.V., movie producer. He planned his whole wedding and he was the guy in control. (This is not his wedding in the pictures we will get to that later.) So his wedding as a cute little wedding sweet with a shack on the water kind of feel. Not a lot of decor simple flowers, a cute seating area and a great cigar rolling station. This was a guy's wedding. His bride was so wonderful. Okay so back to the story. So we went up to the woman on the ladder lighting candles, "Hi" we are so and so "are you the wedding coordinator?" She snapped back, "NO, I am the wedding designer!" Rick and I both took a step back. Said it was so nice to meet you and walked away. She never spoke to us again.
What is the difference between a wedding designer and a coordinator?
1. A coordinator helps you find the right vendors to put your plans into action.
2. A designer takes your vision and makes it flow.
3. Compare it to a home designer that creates an overall look but with a wedding you walk into the wedding and your breath should be taken away. A designer creates a wow factor.
4. Both help with budgets.
5. Good ones, give educate you on how to find the right vendors and has a list of reputable vendors that have done well for them in the past.
6. A great designer is open to your ideas. They make your ideas flow by adding details that in effect turn a bunch of phrases into a sonnet.
7. A designer helps make invitations, programs, menus and the thank you notes flow with the details of your wedding. When the guests get the thank you notes, they remember the details of that day.
8. A designer can create WoW, with a variety of budget sizes.
The wedding that you see in these pictures was created for a bride and groom on a realistic budget by Distinctive-Events. You can view their web site at http://www.distinctive-events.com/ and you can view more of Distinctive-Events weddings off our website www.charlestonphotographer.com/links

On a, Bridal Confidential standpoint, the wedding business is huge with a lot of money to be made. Be careful of people who present themselves as more than they are. Honesty goes a long way in any business. Protect yourself like you would with any transaction and try not to get caught up in the emotional side...that is when vendors make the most money.

Is Less Expensive the Same?

It is a heated debate amongst weddings today; Is cheaper better or even the same? Charleston has reached a tipping point amongst photographers. There are so many photographers that have moved to the area of course because Charleston is the number 3 destination spot for weddings. So here come the business men and the weekend warrior. What does this mean for you. We'll it could mean a cheaper price or it could mean a lesser quality product.
There are some very talented photographers in the area many that area not, some that offer a great product but many that don't. Sometimes it marvels me what they are giving a way. Some offer Albums, proofs and all day for 1500.00. Yes you saw correctly. I ask myself how then I realize. They give you no options, they buy the albums in bulk and put them together themselves as to having a professional album company do it. They may offer proof books instead of proofs and they may nickle and dime the bride for everything. So while they are cheap in the beginning; they are expensive on the back end. So a 1500 package ends up costing you over 3000.00 at the end of the day.
But despite that is the style and the quality that you want there? Did you get the shots that you thought you wanted? Was your photographer everywhere that you wanted them to be? Is after the fact that right time to ask yourself that question since your wedding is only one day EVER?
Shelia is a friend of mine who was married in a remote location --before I knew her. She had a "friend" photograph her simple ceremony of 4 guest included. She has no pictures of the moments of her day and a mediocre out of focus (not in an artistic way) picture of her and her husband. She says that is okay because it is just her and those that were there that will remember that moment and there is something serene about it. She did admit that she wanted to have a second ceremony, her new dress is a $20,000 Christian Dior. Her last dress not so shabby, not a traditional wedding dress but a Vera Wang.
When picking vendors decide what is important to you....trust me this is a day that you will not want to do over.

Who's Wedding is it Anyway?

I have heard of many brides who walked into their wedding and they felt like the wedding just didn't fit who they were. It begs the questions who's wedding is it anyway?

The truth is that it is yours, it is your day. Does that mean that if you want a diamond studded affair that may happen? Well no but it does mean that is should fit who you are. If you are small ceremony at the beach with windblown hair than that is what you should have.

Vendors can sometimes make a bride feel that their wedding is not their own. Wedding coordinators, floral designers and yes photographers can make a bride feel this way. If you meet with a vendor and you get the feeling that that vendor is thinking of your wedding as their own canvas maybe you should set some ground rules or find someone who recognizes that this is your time.

I pose this issue because I think that it is easy for brides once they have hired vendors to just go along without saying anything then feel upset later on.

I feel that your wedding is just that. I feel that I can make suggestions but once I get the vibe that you are not feeling my vision I change it until it is something that you like. We get many brides who say just do whatever you want but I always tell them what I am doing so that they know I have their best wishes at heart. For me I take the opportunity to photograph weddings as a change to capture wonderful people going through many emotions through my artistic eye.

Does this mean that you should not take the advice from other vendors...no. Chances are your vendors have a lot of experience and they know what to expect and how to handle a variety of situations that will come up. It's important to listen and weigh their advice as they have been through these situations before and can not only save you time and money but possible heartache from expectations that may not have been meet.

Bridal Portraits are Important

I almost always photograph my friends weddings, something that I always recommend against. Why? you may ask. Well come now... how many armature photographers do you know that say they photograph weddings or someone who is a friend of the family. It is hard to turn down a friend though so brides are temped to say okay sure. Even Nancy though had her reservations when she asked me to photograph her wedding. I found out why later.

She had no clue what she was shopping for in a photographer and she was just unsure about everything. Her wedding was very small but wonderful. They didn't want to spend a ton of money on it. So hiring a good photographer saved the memories. At her bachelorette party I brought a point and shot leica...not shabby but she leaned over to me and said, "you are going to bring a bigger one to the wedding right?"

Well I begged her to do a bridal portrait before hand so that we would have time to do something extra special. A bridal portrait ahead of time allows the bride to do the following:

1. Check out the make artist and try it out ahead of time (this should be free)

2. Trial bouquet (negotiate this with your floral order)

3. Improve personal connection with your wedding planner/designer

4. Sync with your photographer stylistically

5. Have more time on your wedding day to party and spend with your family

A great bridal portrait takes time so by doing it before hand your wedding day will be less stressful. Try to do it a few weeks before your wedding if you choose an environmental portrait in case you need to dry clean the dress.

Unexpected Feelings

On July 6th as I was driving home from Hilton Head...where my mother lives...my 13 week old Saint Bernard puppy fell asleep in the car and died. It was unexpected and heartbreaking. The foreshadowing though looking back was undoubtable.

On July 3rd one of my best friends called me to let me know that her great grandmother died and like half of her family was not going to be at the party. I of course was photographing the wedding and she needed some advice on what to do and how she should handle it. The funeral was on her wedding and she felt that her family, her uncles, had done it on purpose. Well honestly they had. There was nothing stopping them from having the funeral on Monday. There particular people were not invited to the wedding and this was an apparent attack on her day.

Her grandfather, whom she was very close to, was placed in a tough situation. Go to his mothers funeral in West Virgina or attend his granddaughters wedding. He attended the funeral in the morning and drove 9 hours in the rain to the wedding.

This foreshadowing was stunning though, because while the rest of her family was attending the wake my Sydney was unable to wake up from a sleep. We were crushed and stunned because despite Sydney's age she was already stuck in our hearts. Of course when my friend the bride called me on the way home moments after Sydney died it slipped that she had died. After all I could not hide the crying.

After a sleepless night, we went to work at her wedding. Pasting smiles on our faces and crying our eyes out during the ceremony. People must have thought that we were crazy. I know no one knew. I bet they wondered how we ever made it through a wedding at the rate that I was crying.

The lesson here though was one for me. I have never been forced to choose between a death in the family and having to photograph a wedding. I have flown on a minutes notice to help out another photographer who had a heart attack. Somehow you do what you have to do though to live up to your clients expectations and more.

Type A Groom

The great things about weddings now is that it they aren’t for just the bride, the groom has a place to. More and more grooms are getting involved with their wedding plans. This can be a huge plus; pay attention to can be here.

There are two levels of the groom. The basic level are those who are eager to go to appointments, help pick colors and basic design ideas. Whether or not their input is helpful or even tasteful is irrelevant. They are helping and it is much appreciated (usually). It’s also more time that you can spend together while you are in the extra lovely stage. These are the guys that will help change diapers and even get up in the middle of the night for baby feedings.

Then there is the extreme level. These are the guys who have an intimate relationship with every vendor and have a heavy hand into the most minuet details. They have designed out the table layout before the final guest count. They take decisions into their own hands and must be in control at all points. They have a grip on the bar and the caterer. They are calling the shots with all the vendors. These are the guys who after your first child are discussing with their friends what breast your newborn is more fond of. I won't tell you exactly how I know this but lets just say I am no stranger to the hardware store. Also when these guys talk they are not discrete about anything. Got to love them though!

Of course the week before the wedding they plan something that will throw you off. They take over the programs and make all final decisions. Some even decide to put their own artistic touch on them. It is always something complicated like making a hand tied celtic knot to tie the programs together. While brides should appreciate the task to be completed by the groom she must remember that it comes with a price. Let’s not forget, they are still men.

Problems with this scenario are that grooms tend to pay either too much for the paper and neglects to look at the program layout then come up with clever cost saving ideas like deciding that guests can share the programs. After all he thinks that everyone is coming as a couple so people can share. He tends to forget that it takes time to accomplish such an aggressive task so nine days before the wedding may not be enough. What is a bride to do? You don’t want to disappoint them and tell them that this may not be the best time to take on the task. Instead you should try to convince him to stick with the original plan. If he says no and reasoning does not work you leave him up to his task. You have so many other things to worry about that this is one that you will have to let go. You don’t need the added stress. This after all is not going to be the first thing you had an argument over, it isn’t going to stop the wedding-maybe no one will miss them.

At the worst, bridal party will have to introduce themselves to your guests, guests will wonder when the ceremony will be over and the bar will open. Take this opportunity to further define your stance as the leader that you are. If you stand firm and choose not to help him the night before as he is tying those knots he will second guess making design decisions of his own for your bedroom. You can live without those surprises. If you help him you will have saved the day and never have to let him live it down. Either way it is a win win!

Brides Dealing with a Loss

Dealing with a loss before the wedding can be more than tough and depressing; it can be a wedding crasher. A loss can range from the loss of a home to the loss of a family member. It’s one of the toughest things that a couple can go through. Besides holding on and moving forward what is a bride to do?

For those of us who have never experienced, it we have no right to talk. A little over a month before her wedding a bride’s mother called me with news in the most pleasant voice. The mother always has this tone and it always makes me feel better when I answer the phone. This is the voice of a true southern woman with her best face forward always. We commend these women. We appreciated them. We secretly wish that we could have the same composure. She called to tell me that we had to postpone her bridal portrait because her apartment-across the country-was caught in a deadly fire the night before and she had barely gotten out with her life. Of course the first thing out of my mouth is “Oh my God, is she alright”. Her mother said yes, but she was going to postpone her trip until the following day and could we move the portrait. Noone expects this bride to be ready for a portrait. In fact I have heard stories of brides canceling the wedding in such losses and eloping. Some feel the need to postpone the wedding indefinitely. No one can tell a bride what to do in that situation, but I can tell you this. Don’t feel guilty about continuing the wedding. I’m not telling you that you should ignore it and move on but in the case of a fire try not to let it get the best of you. This would only strengthen your relationship as long as you both are okay. Many people have experienced this in the wake of natural disasters like Hurricane Katrina. In the case of a Hurricane or other natural disaster remember nothing should stop you from getting married—delay is one thing but don’t let time go by to long. Even if it isn’t the wedding of your dreams it isn’t about a fancy party, it is about being with those that you love when you need them.

Don’t ever feel guilty about things outside your control. If you do, find some level head to kick you out of your funk. After all that is what friends are for. Don’t feel sorry for canceling the wedding if you feel that that is what you need to do. Remember your wedding is about you and your groom the key words in here are you. It is your wedding and while that does not give you the right to be Bridezilla it does give you the right to look out for your mental health, irregardless of whatever monetary loss your incur, or whomever disagrees with you.

Groomsmen thoughts?

What do you think groomsmen talk about when they are watching their friends tie the not? Especially during a really long ceremony. I will give you a hint about what some groomsmen are thinking.

Some are thinking what are we going to do to trip the groom up when he is walking back down the isle. One set had written messages on a piece of paper and the groom had to get each and everyone like a secret handshake. These well wishing's were points of inspiration for the groom to read later. One groom was given marbles in an effort to trip him up.

Whatever they are thinking it is a tradition that some of them started at a wedding a longtime ago. Some have been passed down from generation to generation. As many of you know the boys rarely take interest in the wedding. Talking to his best man to start a tradition or getting your man to start one gives them a detail to look forward to or a pleasant surprise.

You will learn later that keeping boys entertained can be touch. By starting now and developing a habit you will be able to keep your husband entertained during other functions.

Event Insurance

Tropical storm Barry came to visit us in Charleston over last weekend. It ruined every out door wedding in the city. On the beaches power went out, the wind howled and it poured.
We had a beach wedding that day with a reception in a hotel. Now for those of you unfamiliar Charleston, SC we have some really nice beach hotel. Well this reception was not at one of those. This hotel was decorated in the uncool late 70's style.
Needless to say my bride was upset, she had no backup plan and was forced to make due. Her wedding was not the only one in the hotel that day, there was another one at the same time, with more people and a crew that was not as well adapt for any emergencies.
You may think that I am going to talk to you about back up plans...No.
I am going to talk to you about event insurance. Event Insurance you are now asking yourself what is it? You can purchase event insurance and in the event of bad weather, airplanes downed or some other major issue you can recoup most if not all of the money that you payed out for your event that didn't turn out like you had expected. I first heard about event insurance from a friend who was a promoter. We were doing a Rock the Beach event and she was praying for rain. Turns out it only had to rain a small percentage at the airport and she was going to recoup her money.
This bride was fortunate to have vendors that were able to make her day better, this comes from experience as well as a sense of caring from her vendors. Her wedding was intimate, many guests did not come due to the weather but everyone danced to music when all the power on the beach went out the music was still playing and they were still dancing. A few days after we took the couple to the beach and spent sometime photographing them on the beach-so they still got those beach pictures that they were thinking of.
Had the bride had event insurance she would have recouped the money that she spent. My suggestion is that if you are getting married in an area that is prone to bad weather that may ruin your wedding you should purchase event insurance. For the few hundred dollars that it will cost you are insuring that you recoup any losses that could occur.
Now I know that you are thinking...what about the other bride? She was having a catered wedding on the pier. Her caterer had to plate the food in a hotel room at the other side of the hotel from their make shift reception. The hotel would not allow them to use their kitchen because the caterer was not affiliated with the hotel.

Makeup for Guys...

Believe it or not Guys sometimes need a little touch up, cover up for their stressful days on their wedding time. In fact people who are ill sometimes need touchup's. This saves your photographer time and you money when it comes to portraits. It also should not be limited to just grooms. Leslie Moore (The Moore Makeup Experience ) has been touching up Guys at weddings for a long time. She says that she has added radiance to many men who have been ill or had too late a night on someone's wedding day.

It can be a confidence booster for Guys as well as women. No one has to tell so no ego's are put on the chopping block.
Note:the guy in this photo was not wearing make up/or was he?
Leslie Moore contact: http://www.mooremakeup.com

Make Up

One would think that a bride not dare walk out of the house without makeup. If one thinks this then one is dead wrong!

One of the great things about being an experienced photographer is that I get the opportunity to work with brides of all ages, types and personalities. How much or how little makeup they wear has nothing to do with age but sometimes it must. There is a short window in our lives that we can go "bare" when it comes to makeup. Unfortunately that time rarely ever coincides with our wedding day.

Years ago I had a bride who was older and not a naturally radiant bride. She was a very stressed individual and it showed. On her wedding day, I walked into the room where she was getting ready. Assuming that she was just running behind I said "when you get your makeup on we can do your portrait." She, to my amazement said "I am not going to wear makeup." I was shocked to say the least. She was in her late thirties with a very blotchy skin and a very red nose. Yes a red nose! Had I had the guts then that I have now I would have said over my dead body am I taking pictures of you with no makeup as nicely as possible. Instead the only words that I could stutter out were "Are you sure?" You can imagine her blotchy face and her zit in her otherwise beautiful photographs.

After that, I was bound and determined never to let a bride so that to me again. You may be asking why should you care it is her wedding?. It maybe her wedding but they are my pictures with my name on it. I would have to retouch every picture. After that I realized I could not let that happen ever again.

Years later I got a phone call from a bride who described herself as the Anti-Bride who was having a winter wedding. As I do with all by brides, said "make sure that you get your makeup done first because our light will be falling and we need to make sure that we have light to do your portrait". To my horror she said "Oh I am not wearing makeup, that is just who I am I just don't wear makeup." I stopped speaking so long that the bride asked if I was okay. I explained that yes I was okay and she should consider wearing makeup because everyone needed something to even out skin tones. She said no she was confident that she would be okay with out. She had olive skin and she was really confident in her appearance. All I could do was try to politely convince her in other telephone meetings. To my relief on the day of her wedding she came running in wearing makeup. This was the first time that I had ever seen her face to face. Her first words to me were "Hi Tara so nice to meet you...LOOK I am wearing makeup! Aren't you glad?" I was so glad she had listened.

I also need to give you all a bit of info about me. I NEVER wear makeup, like never. I realize though that there are times in our lives that we need to step outside our usual boundaries because we do not always know best. Something as small as foundation and a little lipstick makes us look alive in photos.

You maybe asking what is the big deal who cares if a bride chooses to wear makeup or not.

What does a bride win or loose by not wearing makeup?

Well a bride really only wins on a hot day. They do not experience the pleasure of makeup sweating off their face.
Anything else? no not really

A bride looses in many ways.

1. She may not look as fresh or energetic.
2. All of her flaws will be out in the open for friend and family to see.
3. Oh my God if her groom never saw her first thing in the morning the wedding is not the time to plant that picture in his head.
4. Don't blame your photographer for those bags underneath your eyes...most of that is not his/her fault.
5. By wearing makeup you will save photo-retouching which equals money.

On the same note a bride can wear too much. From a professional photographer's paper to your ears if anyone tells you you need to wear extra think eyeliner so you look like a heroine addict they are wrong. The truth is that you need to wear a little more makeup than usual. You still want to look like yourself.

I have come across many brides who did not like their make up. Some have even started over from scratch when the makeup artist leaves. I have also had brides that were forced to wear make up that they were not comfortable in for their entire wedding. There is something wrong with that. The point of makeup is to help add to your confidence emotionally, make you more radiant than you already are and to hide a few minor flaws. I must admit I have even told minor fibs to brides running late who ask "Do I have too much eyeliner on?"


What most brides do not know is that they should receive a complementary dry run with their make up. The time to test how you like your hair and makeup is before the wedding not the day of when everyone is running late. Honestly you are just wasting money by running late. If your ceremony is 30 min late you have lost money on your photographer, musicians, minister or person performing the ceremony and gelato guy-the gelato is forming ice crystals (not good). Keep in mind that some vendors do more than one wedding a day and they may not be able to stay the extra time. While I say don't worry the wedding will not start without you, you are paying people good money. So while 30 min should be in every vendors fudge time they may not be able to wait 45 min to an hour. If your ordained minister is doing another ceremony an hour can be the difference between you getting married or not.

On another note, if you are someone who always wears a lot of makeup, keep in mind make up is a comfort zone issue. I have had brides who only feel comfortable wearing a thick layer. If that is your comfort okay, but if you are trying to hide flaws sometimes too much can make it worse. Sometimes with makeup less is more. So when hiring a makeup artist hire one who has experience and one whom you are confident in. Tell then what you see as wrong with your face ask them how they plain to cope with it. Also all makeup products are not the same. Realizing this now will save you a lot of time and money in the future. No all good ones do not cost an arm and leg.

Some of my tips to make sure all is well with make up are... These are also tips from Leslie Moore who can be contacted at http://www.mooremakeup.com
1. Do a trial run well before.
2. Make sure your makeup is done first, your makeup person can leave stuff for touch up later.
3. If you have a large wedding party, you need to have more than one makeup artist.
4. Figure out ahead of time who is getting made up to insure that you are giving your makeup vendor enough time-tell them as soon as possible so they can book clients appropriately. Include both the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom.
5. Don't use makeup with sun screen on your wedding day. Sun screen is reflective and when combined with a flash from a camera can cause you to look pale or whiter than usual.

Good business and Vendor Tips

What do you do when you hear horror stories about the vendor you have hired from other vendors? As a personal and business rule I never bad mouth other vendors. I don’t say bad things about people unless I am willing to say it to them face to face. Unfortunately weddings are a big business, especially in Charleston. That creates a competitive environment-it’s good and bad. A lot of competition creates competitive pricing amongst vendors but it also can create bad attitudes. As with any industry the event business is full of talkers. I have had run-ins with certain vendors myself. Once reason is because of Kick Backs that I would not be apart of and the other is just plain personality conflicts, but vendors are a bunch of talkers, especially in an industry that is full of women. I had a bride who had decided to go with a wedding coordinator that was going through some really tough emotional problems. At a wedding, they showed it and were removed. The bride was understandably upset and in a small town like Charleston rumors started flying. My bride chose to leave her coordinator and go with someone else but only after talking to a friend who was actually at the wedding. She asked me later if she had done the right thing, I said she had to do what she was comfortable with. The bride did this only after having a heart to heart with the vendor and only after they neglected to return multiple calls or emails. She did what she felt was right because she had just started a business and needed someone that she could really depend on. This vendor did all the right things to try to make her feel better about the situation even after they lost the bride as a client. The vendor also learned a lesson and began to fix his personal issues-something that only takes time.
As a small business owner we all have things in our lives that affect our performance, that is something that can not help but not being able to perform on a wedding day is unacceptable. As a small business owner you do what ever it takes. One fall Friday I got a telephone call from the wife of a good photographer friend in D.C., he had been admitted into the hospital with what they thought was a heart attack. He was in the ambulance and she was on her way. Could I come tomorrow for an afternoon wedding? We were on the plane the next morning-from Charleston. Even though they had a personal issue they were not going to let that destroy their clients day, that is just good business.
Don’t feel like you are stuck with a vendor that you are not confident in but be prepared to loose some deposits. I always do favors for my favorite vendors so if they have a client that needs a little extra care I do my best to work in it. One February we had a young couple that believe it or not photographed weddings and they were going to fire their photographer. They had good reason though, the bridal portraits were not up to the bride’s standard, she was really unhappy and then the photographer wanted to charge her a lot of extra money for her portrait. In addition the bride (a photographer) also was referring the photographer on dates that she was unavailable. First of all while I don’t believe in kick backs I do believe in thanking people for business, sometimes that’s lunch or a discount on your profit. Second if there is something that you are unhappy with—that is with in my control, I am going to do my best to make you happy. That is customer service. This Bride felt that it was important enough for her to risk loosing that money. Was it worth it in the end to loose money? Well at the end of the day, she has great pictures to show her grandchildren and ones that she is proud of.
As a client you have a responsibility to your vendors. You have to tell them when you have a problem. If they are not returning your email call and ask why, voice your concerns and ask for explanations. If they are not living up your expectations tell them what your expectations are and put them in writing. Clarity can be a problem in this information age, why I don’t know. Sometimes vendors speak in industry terms that other vendors and clients may not understand. I know sometimes I have no idea what some of my commercial clients are explaining to me about their products. If it is required for me to know so that I can properly present their product, it is my responsibility to ask. The same with my clients, if they want me to take a photograph of something that may be technologically impossible I have to let them know. Sometimes with new clients I really have to explain what I am doing and why in order to get them to trust me. At a wedding, I do not always have the time to explain why I pose them a certain way that they may think feels really stupid and uncomfortable, but I need them to trust me. They have every right to ask why. If you tasted a funny flavor in your chicken dish wouldn’t you ask what that funky flavor is? If you wouldn’t you ought to.
People aren’t mind readers and sometimes they get clients confused. So don’t expect a vendor to remember everything that you tell them. One year we had three brides all named Margo, I got so confused with who I was talking to because they would all call and say hey Tara its Margo then go into discuss their wedding bridal therapy needs because my first question was hey what’s going on. Then half way into the discussion I would finally figure out which Margo I was talking to. So with important things follow up with an email.
You are going to be dealing with a lot of small businesses so their hours may be weird, leave a message and request a call back. I always get frustrated with people who tell me I am hard to get in touch with because they never catch me in the office. They also never leave a message or email. I am not mind reader and sometimes forget to forward my phone to my cell. If you don’t leave messages don’t expect people to call you back.
Tips on finding the right vendors:
1. Make sure your personality clicks with that of your vendors, you need to get along. Chemistry is important.
2. Make sure that you have a contract and specific contract information.
3. Referrals are good, but kick back referrals are not always good. As a rule, I would not recommend someone who I would not have work for me.
4. When choosing a vendor that is art related choose one that has a style that clicks with yours.
5. See some of their actual work-A lot of their actual work.
6. If they return your phone calls in a reasonable amount of time that is a good thing.
7. Put your expectations out on the table from the get go. If your expectations are beyond what your vendor is willing to do then a good one will tell you that ahead of time. If your vendor makes funny faces when you say you want a 500 desert soufflés for guests at exactly the same time you may want to take that as a sign. Either that your request is too large or that you need to find a larger caterer.
8. Certain vendors need to have insurance; all good vendors would have liability insurance. Make sure Vendors like the one dealing with the Bar has insurance. The last thing that a new marriage needs is a lawsuit from one of their guests.
9. Know the right questions to ask (I am going to give you some) and a few answers so you can see that vendors know their trade.
10. I think that asking for references is both good and bad, of course vendors are only going to give you references of people that love them—they all do. So ask for referrals from friends, look on chat room like The Knot, ask other vendors that you really like and trust, last search on the internet and call don’t email.

Vendors requesting too much

The vendor client relationship
The nature of a wedding is intimate so keeping relationships strictly business
can be a difficult task. It can be difficult not only for the bride but also for the vendors. One of the key aspects that a bride looks for when hiring a wedding
designer or coordinator, videographer or photographer is a personal connection. After all, she is going to share the most intimate moments with them but she needs to remember that she must keep the relationship professional. If a vendor does something less to be professional the bride does have the right to release the vendor from their contract. Also if the bride has expectations outside that contract that needs to be addressed early on. Remember you have the right to demand contract obligations but not the right to expect your vendor to turn coal into diamonds-unless it is specified in the contract.

What is a bride to do if she finds out that her vendor was not who they claimed they were or the vendor neglects to live up to said expectations?
Address that with the vendor. We all make mistakes and some vendors have really small shops (this is not a bad thing, it means a stronger personal connection). Even vendors have life altering issues that may interfere with day-to-day operations. That being said if your vendor fails to return multiple phone calls in a row you have the right to be concerned about their performance on a bride’s wedding day.

One month before her wedding a potential bride called me seeking our availability for her Charleston, SC wedding. I always ask why the quick planning because for a vendor what seems to be a really unorganized bride could mean a very needy bride. I have to make sure that I have the extra time that she will need. She told me that she fired her wedding coordinator in Chicago-who worked with her photographer husband. The coordinator became pregnant and expected the bride to pay airfare for the coordinator’s 65 year old parents to come help with the wedding. This was not in the contract that the bride signed and it is unreasonable for the coordinator to make this request. The bride had many reservations about firing her coordinator and photographer.
She felt bad but the vendor expected way too much and was out of line. No vendor should expect any bride to pay for this. With so many coordinators in the area of Charleston she could have hired help for the day. It really sounded like vendor was trying to get a family vacation out of it. That was unethical and out of line. All worked out she found a photographer and her florist was a talented wedding designer. Her wedding was beautiful and featured in a wedding magazine.
When dealing with a vendor that you have problems with put everything in writing and refer directly to the contract.
Keeping a paper trail will help to protect you if things end up going to court. Request that your vendor put everything in writing as well as your responses to it. Honesty is a huge attribute in a vendor or anyone for that matter. We have clients who have been less than honest thus know that can be a frustrating experience. Contracts are there to protect you and the vendor. Thus if you feel that a vendor is being less than honest you need to let your vendors know that you are unhappy when you are unhappy-don’t let it build up. On the other side a vendor should not be as aggressive with you. They are working with you and should be as accommodating as possible.